How To Party in College

So your wondering how to party in college because you don’t want to show up to some sick frat party and look like some stupid freshmen. Your also too embarassed to walk up to some sweet looking frat bro wearing a tight polo ask ask him how to party in college. Anyways, here are some tips on how to party in college:

 

  1. If someone who is better looking than you offers you something to snort, you do so immediately. IF the person offering you drugs is clearly beneath you on the social ladder, shrug your shoulder and walk away.  As your walking away, look back and snicker, just for a moment.  This will establish your college authortiy.
  2. Always have a drink in your hand. This is an absolute must at any college party. If your shirt is not off, a drink must be in your hand. Little freshmen are consistently kicked out of college parties for breaking this rule.
  3. Fighting is still cool in college. Remember this. You are not above fighting at parties. If some dude claims he does not want to fight because that is “So high school,” break his jaw. Introduce him to college.
  4. Never ask anyone “Am I supposed to be standing here?” Wherever YOU are standing is where the party is at. OWN your spot. Never question it. Never doubt it.
Lets be honest. If you had to come to this website to learn how to party in college, you probably don’t know

how to party in college

As a matter of fact, you were probably really bad at partying in high school as well.

Anyways, now your in college and your playing catch up.

You need more partying advice.

Lets go over this whole partying in college thing again.

Get really drunk before you go to the pregame.

Arrive at the pregame with a bottle of cheap liqour.

Take a shot with everyone.

Now you are suffienctly hammered.

Its time to go party.

Stumble into some party and look at the dudes who are sober.

Point at them.

Say: “Bitches, I’m so drunk, this is college! Why aren’t you as hammmered as I am? I’m gonna get all the ladies tonight, you sober fools!”

This is how they will probably respond:

“Tell the stupid freshmen to leave and come back when he knows how to party in college”

Freshmen, Don’t listen to everything you read online.

 

Anyways, lets get serious.

Here are some more pointers on how to party in college:

1. Drink a beer before you learn how to party in college.

2. Drink another beer before you learn how to party in college, its good for you.

3. If you don’t understand us yet, you should be sufficiently drunk before you’re going to learn how to party in college.

4. Now that your wasted, and since your a party neophye A.K.A freshmen, your probably hammered off three beers, you are most definitley ready to learn how to party in college. So, here we go.

Go to college

Grab a beer in your left hand

Chug.

Grab a beer in your right hand.

Chug.

Take a shot with the sloppy girl in the corner.

Kiss her.

Do a keg stand while people chant “Freshmen”

Pretend like it was no big deal.

Grab a beer in your left hand.

Chug.

Grab a beer in your right hand.

Chug.

Pretend like it was no big deal.

Go puke in the urinal.

When someone walks by, tell them they have no idea how to party in college.

Scream at them

Say: Why are you sober?

Do you not know how to party in college?

Ask them again.

Go grab another beer.

Chug it.

Take another shot with the girl in the corner.

Kiss her.

Walk her home.

You’re to drunk to make a move.

Pass out on the sidewalk.

Wake up in the morning and go to calculus.

Pretend like its no big deal.

That is how to party in college, you myopic freshmen.